Feb. 21st, 2009

axelle: (Captain Planet)
I figured I better tell this magical tale before I forget. Yesterday was my cousin Erin's 18th birthday. Her mom, my aunt Janet, was my mom's best friend even before they became sisters in law so both myself and my mother were invited to Erin's birthday party. We got to go to this place call Lips. You have to be 18 to get in.

Holy shit. It was so much fun. Lips is a place where the almost everyone working there are transvestites. So even before I get there I know that this is gonna kick ass. They put on shows and everything. Of course, the moment we get there my mom is suckin' down Long Island Ice teas like they're going out of style. Our waitress was this ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL black man called Kiki. She was fucking hilarious. While taking our orders she would get all ghetto and snappy and say shit like "Hurry up white bitches!" or "Help a bitch out." when we took to long handing her our menus. The majority of the people there were female. They're were only like a handful of guys there... well guys not in drag that is. Lol!

Now I should probably explain something real fast before I go on. From what I could see some of them had breast implants and others just had falsies. Kiki and Gigi had implants. They all looked just like women. It was pretty fabulous.

Anyway! So they serve our food and show begins! The first performer is Kiki! She changed in the back while the busboys served our food. She comes out in this tiny little stringy purple dress thing and Katy Perry's song I Kissed a Girl comes on. So she starts dancing and lip syncing up on stage and then she comes down and starts grinding on random people and she pulls people away from their by their chairs and starts grinding her crotch on this one woman's face then she comes over to my mom and grabs her head and shoves her breasts right in my mother's face. Everyone at our table was in tears from laughing so hard. Omg.

So then the song ends and she leaves and it's just like holy shit my mom just got a man's breasts in her face. XD. Too fucking good.

There were a bunch of them that got up on stage and did their little bit. I can't remember them all, but I do remember the most memorable ones. The next show I remember was Gigi's. Gigi was this drop dead gorgeous Asian man. She came out wearing this huge red billowing dress thing. The song Womanizer by Brittany Spears comes on louder than shit. She's dancin' around on stage playing around with her dress and lip syncing. Then as the chorus comes on she rips off the billow red dress thing and reveals that she is only wearing some red feathered pasties on her breasts and some tiny red panties. The general reaction to this was "WOOOOOOOOOOO0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo00o0o0o0o!!!!" She ended up giving Erin's gay friend Robert a crazy ass lap dance. It was fucking the best shit I've ever seen in my life. The place fucking erupted. Lol!

The next show I remember clearly was Big Disney's. She was this overweight man with falsies on. She came out dressed as Alice from Alice in Wonderland. She was fucking amazing. She did the splits. THE FUCKING SPLITS. They had a really amazing Cher too. She sung her own songs and didn't lip sync.

Anyway, sorry for any spelling or grammar errors I wrote this in a rush. GOOD TIMES! KELLY I HAVE TO TAKE YOU SOMETIME!

P.S.
I'm ashamed that I actually like that song Womanizer. XD

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axelle

June 2009

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